elegy to myself

the new day is yet to come.

counting down days has started. it is going down to 13 today.

many things pops up in my head, creating a big jumbo mambo pot of questions in my mind turning around endlessly. like particles go around dynamically and clash each other....

trying to go further step by step by now i realized further is not stepping anymore: it is running, running fast.

sometimes i feel flying up high with excitement then in one second, then i feel crashing down. what kind of irradical process is this? is it a process which everyone has to go through?

or is it my own? my own written line from above or is it a line which has been a cause of my own foolishness?

i keep on running, running on the track which i do not know where.

all i do is keep on going, no matter where i head to.

blisters on my foot, i do not mind, i just keep on going. some times i have to catch my breath for awhile then start running..

i believe, i believe in front there is a goal.

i believe this process will go on with a clearer view

i believe in the top hilly area where you can see stars and rainbows at night

i believe in the comfort i will get when i drink from the fresh waters of the flowing river

i believe myself will be able to do it

light in the tunnel (lalu:2005)

i tried to make my first cafe mocha.

first it was too bitter. took some practice to make it taste right.

spent several choco packages and milk.

but i did it and was overjoyed.

i tried to remember some hindi alphabets.

i wrote and practice some vocals alphabets.

curly strange strokes was my first.i tried it again and again.

my paper was finished and felt blisters in my hand

then i felt it was getting better.

i felt i could do it and will do more...(but still so much to learn)

finding a job...

first, no response.interview offers but not matching. interviewed but failed.

looking harder and put more effort.

then finally, got more chances.

hopefully there will be a light in the end of the tunnel.

hopefully the light will be brighter and long-lasting.

i do believe..

it may sound cliche,

but process is hurtfull, full of ups and down.

not only that, the process of being motivated. demotivated.

exhausted, and tired.

remember, in the process

u meet several people who want u to fall.

u meet less people who encourage u to be strong.

bless the people who inspire u although they dont know u much.

bless the people who really appreciate and respect people based on their values and capabilities.

bless the people who treat u kind and polite.

i am lucky to meet them.

process makes u realize how joy u can get in the end,

when u succeed.

that is when it matters

:D

ganbatte ne minna...

thread line of life

fter going thru intervews, i realize one thing.

we have to be a good story-teller on our past-present-future life line

i was amazed how scattered my life was.

patches here and patches there, with a lil different varieties in every spot.

uncontinuous surprises and changes in objects and purpose in mind shown in the past

when i was small i wanted to be a balerina after seeing the cute pink tutu

then changed to an ambition to be a teacher after my 1st grade teacher was lovely and kind

then changed again to an astronom after going to a planetarium

then to barbie fashion designer after seeing of barbie collection ( this is the stupidiest)

then again and again...changed

it changes thru the change of learning everytime. evolving continuously

after all of this changes, now i wish i were i straight person who knew what was the purpose in life, without changin (well a lil minor changes will not affect)

but i realize slowly i had a target and try to fill it

although i did realize in the early stage

well, anyway, returning to the interview thing,

a person told me to fluently say my objects in life and how is my efforts in fulfilling it, in a full-properly-mannered story

hm, connecting dots is not as simple as that...

:)

conflict resolution lesson in a nursery

I was lucky to have an experience as a teacher in a Japanese nursery.

The head of the teacher, Murakami sensei, first assigned me to join the big class which consisted sapphire, coral and ruby group.

it was a class for the range 3-5 years old.

The class consisted 25 bright and 'genki' children.

first, we had our toilet session, the children was lined up to walkto the small cute toilets where they were

do their toilet practice. they had to remember to flush, wash their hand properly with soap and dry it with dry towel paper. then one by one went back to class.

today, Sensei planned to mingle up the Sapphire, Coral, Ruby groups, which is based on age.

The made a new groups which each table consisted 4-5 children.

Sensei, had a polling to remake the new name of the groups. She aksed what category is suitable, then came out animal category, sea animal category, insects category and country's name category.

and the category based on the major vote was COUNTRY category. children now was assigned to decide the name of the group, which is based on the group concession, not an individual or 2 person's favor.

then, it came to CHAOS. concession did not came at all. the small 3 year old children just nodded to what the big 5 year old children opinion. they felt they dont know what is country's name and where is it.

they felt left out. and turned silent to what the majority is.

in one group, 2 children in the age 5 year old was arguing about the name of the country. the group consisted 4, 2 agreed to name the group indonesia and the other wanted the name nihon.

the 2 representated, Sota and Mahiro, did janken and the result was indonesia.

but Mahiro did not agree and start crying.

Sensei stopped the chaos. She said that many children do not know the name of countries and they left out. She asked the big children to understand and not leave them out in the group.

Country name was a decided for the category but then she emphasized that not all know about country names.

she said they it would be better to choose a category which everyone was familiar with and said she will redo the categorization name.

the children was silent.

finally, the category was decided animal's name.

all the children can participate. and the discussion came out well.

the names of group which were decided: tiger, monkey, giraffe, lion, and alligator.

:)

conflict solved.

lesson learnt.

life is a unending learning lesson (bagus:2010)

hometown euphoria

every day is a new adventurous day

seems like each day will pass so soon, automatically your mind says you have to run after it and catch it!

like fresh ideas, pops every minute, telling you to do so many things

never felt this passionate to do things

then one day, your body tells you to calm down,

your loved ones asks you whether you are tired or not

your head spins, your mind winds, like a chime

all over again, with double energy

could not wait what will happen next

could not wait until the day

you were asking for

i am glad i can feel this passion and enthusiasm since a long time

feeling my old self again

returning to its place

i will be a star-wanderer instead

the night was u,

the round bright beige moon, perfectly reflected nights nature beauty,

i am sure it was u

i wander out my pillow and tuck myself in the clouds,

mesmerized on the shiny night,

i am sure it was u

all this time, searching, wandering,

sleepless nights, souring eyes

high buildings, briliant lights

it was u who i always took granted for

it was u, for me it was too blind to see

because ur light

as prettiest i can see,

showed ur light on that day,

which made me remember

why i was standing here

it was u, i am sure it

that i know my destination

long and difficult

but as long as i can feel u, shining on me

there is no mountain i cannot flee

here we go...

I love to write.

I write chats with my friends in the classroom. I doodle with my mind in the last page of my notebook in the classroom. I write small, short notes on facebook. Write my own very, very private diary full of bad secrets. I usually raise my hand if people ask for secretary voluntaries.

Write anything, anywhere, except for papers. Oh no!

I never won any writing contest or what so ever. That is why if you observe my writing, it captures my mind perfectly. Distracted, here and there, decentralized, spontaneous, popping just like that, like a fire cracker

I first had the idea of writing my story when I was doing my masters in Niigata. The beauty of the land motivates you to write a story about it. Everything is special. An isolated place with 4 extreme seasons with international atmosphere makes it so unique.

Before I was accepted to the Masters program, a lady from Italy came to me and read my palm. She said that I will meet my love one soon, and will do a lot of travel. I just thought that is was a common saying to any girl. But accidently her words came true. And this is a piece of my story.